When I told my mom that I wanted a professional woman as my wife, she got
me one; a Chartered Accountant.
She uses LIFO method while taking out the refrigerated food. She thinks I
am no good at figure work. Fine with me, for now she handles the budget of
the house.
Initially she used to send me a bill at the month end, but when I told her
that I am not her client but her husband, she asks for the money in
advance. The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so
one day I snooped into the papers maintained in a current file.
No wonder! She was charging conveyance and overtime to the house budget.
She is crazy, I tell her but she corrects me. "No my darling, I am the
auditor." I fail to see the light.
Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed.
She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy of every thing for
at least ten years before destroying it.
I am worried.
The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I got to know that she had
charged that hour to a client of hers, in the time sheet. My time was put
down as unoccupied.
She says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too. However, she
never believes me. She says that there is susceptibility of it being a
misstatement. Duh! She wants my representation on this & Expert opinion of
some Expert!
Not a long time back my brother's wedding was to be solemnized. Wedding
cards had been sent. After some time I started receiving a steady trickle
of letters. I was puzzled until my wife explained that external evidence
was more reliable. She had called for confirmations from all those to whom
cards were sent.
When she cooks, my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the recipe
says add half-teaspoon vinegar, one tsp black salt or one teacup of water,
she ignores them. She says that they are not material when taken in context
of whole meal being prepared.
She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly everybody calls her an auditor,
instead. I checked the dictionary and it did not state that auditor is a
synonym for crazy. The dictionary must be outdated. When we got married,
she had given me an Engagement Letter and I Had said how cute-how sweet.Now
she gives it to me every year saying that her standards state that it must
be sent anew if there is any indication that I have misunderstood the
objective and scope of engagement. Huh!
Apart from sending me the engagement letter once again she says I can't get
rid off her just like that. She says that she has the right of being heard
before I appoint some one else. It seems I must keep reading one local and
another English newspaper published and circulated in the vicinity of our
house for more details.
Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardized our going concern
status. Duh! Dare I say so?? I am told by one of my female colleagues who
is married to a CA that the scenario is even worse when the guy is a CA.
Apparently he capitalised the wedding expenses as preliminary expenses and
is writing it off every year.
Also the time he spent dating his wife before marrying her is still under
consideration for valuation under AS-26...valuation of intangible assets.
So guys please think twice....should u really marry a CA? And yes please
discount it by the appropriate rate to arrive at the present value of the
risk of doing so.

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